Sleep Deprivation Sucks

No Sleep Is Hell
No Sleep Is Hell


Sleep deprivation sucks. That sums up the past nine months really. However I know you aren’t here for a three-word blog post so I’ll waffle on about how little sleep I have had in the past nine months below. That makes it sound so trivial, but it has been one of the most physically and mentally draining things I have ever had to deal with…

The number-one sentence I will never utter to a mum/dad to be is, ‘Sleep now, because you won’t when baby arrives.’ It was the single most irritating bit of advice I received and I heard it over and over again. Geez I knew I wouldn’t get much sleep, I would just nap when the baby napped right? I mean I am GOOD at napping (still am), disrupted sleep won’t be that much of a biggie.

But now I GET IT. I now get why parents say this.  Yes you might have experienced the tiredness of staying out partying before a 7.30am shift as a student, but hells bells that is nothing compared to the level of tired having a child brings. Every parent will have experienced this, especially in the new born days when you wake them up every 3-4 hours to feed. However (and I might piss a few people off by saying this) but I definitely think that some babies are worse at sleeping then others, and I feel like a bloody sleep  deprivation veteran after nine months with baby R.

I didn’t sleep for a full 48 hours after my waters broke. A fifteen hour labour was followed by a night in the ward where my baby wouldn’t sleep unless I was holding him. If I laid him in his plastic cot he would cry, none of the other babies on the ward were crying, so I sat up alone with him that first long, long night.  Naively I envisaged going home, having a long nap and then resting and looking after the baby, feeling a lot better.

Not the case. Baby R didn’t sleep for the first two weeks unless me or D were holding him. I usually would sleep for two hours in the evening, then stay up with him all night, before maybe getting another two hours either early morning or afternoon.

When D was preparing to go back to work, me and R camped out in a separate room so  D could get some sleep and I would try and lie him in his Snuzpod. I would excitedly regale D with the night’s antics every morning – ‘he slept in it for half an hour last night! and then another half hour later on!’. My nights would consist of breastfeeding, R sicking up, holding him upright for half an hour to try to keep some milk down, putting him in the Snuzpod, then snatching a few minutes sleep myself before he would wake up and we started again.

I drank a lot of tea and watched a lot of Netflix.

Around 3 am was my worst point, and I would wake D up to make me a mug of tea and a snack and beg him just to talk to me for a few minutes.

I was so scared that I would fall asleep with R in my arms that when I finally did get some sleep I would wake up convinced that he was in the bed. One night I woke up, jumped out of bed, stripped the covers off and was frantically searching for R before noticing he was asleep in the Snuzpod.

One night D woke to me banging my head against the headboard whilst nursing R, he asked me what I was doing and I said it was the  only way I could stay awake. He took R then, but he would only go for two hours before needing milk again.

I don’t know how I got through the first three months. I genuinely don’t. It drove me to the point where I was crying from sheer tiredness, crying because R needed feeding and crying when he cried. Then crying because I was crying and I felt like he shouldn’t have a mummy who cried all the time. Spoiler alert: I’m crying now, it does weird things to you this motherhood lark.

It’s not just being ‘tired’, its a bone aching exhaustion, your mind feels foggy, your body has just been through an incredible ordeal and really you should be tucked up in bed resting. Instead you’ve got a baby hanging off your boob, visitors left right and centre, and all the other usual life admin to get done.

A lot of arguments between D and I didn’t help either. Being tired makes me short-tempered and it was D I took it out on. And I can be a nasty little bitch when I want to. We really struggled to communicate. We barely saw each other as I would be trying to cram some sleep in on an evening when he got home from work, and then we would be straight into witching hour with R crying and one or the other of us pacing up and down trying to calm him .

Those were awful awful times, we both said horrible things to each other, and we hurt each other. Rather than pulling us together as a family there were moments where I truly thought having a baby might break us. But it didn’t. I don’t think there was one particular moment, but we gradually learnt how to get through it together. We talk more now, and if I am worn out and grouchy I tell D rather than snapping at him.

For those of you reading this think holy bloody hell, this woman is depressing me,  it does get better. R is nine months old now, we are yet to have a night where he sleeps through, but we are slowly getting there. At the moment we tend to only have a couple of wake ups throughout the night although the mornings do start between 5-6 am. The best thing is that me and D are so good right now, we have a better routine, we share the housework, and we pull together to make sure all three of us are rested and happy.

There’s still bad days, when I am so tired that I put the olives in the drawer and the clingfilm in the fridge, but we get through them – one mug of coffee at a time.

Speaking of, R is napping…time for a brew, B xx


6 thoughts on “Sleep Deprivation Sucks”

  1. Oh god I hear ya! Jordan used to sleep on the sofa in the first few weeks (and he’s gone back to the sofa this week too) so he could sleep. He’s had a full nights sleep since Emily was born but I don’t think I’ve had one since finding out I was pregnant!
    Oh and the visitors as well! If I ever have another baby I’m putting my foot down. No visitors for 2 weeks, and if you are coming then you can fuck off home after an hour. I don’t know what it is about having a baby but people automatically assume you want them to come round all the time? No thanks. Maybe I’m just miserable?


    1. I’m glad its not just me! My friends seem to be blessed with babies that do a full night and I’m over here like a lil’ zombie. Danny is having full nights at the moment .as he doesn’t hear R wake up and its just easier for me to do the settling. Does Jordan hear Emily if she cries? And YES to the visitors. I’m going to become a hermit if we have another baby, people can drop off food supplies and thats it!!!


      1. Jordan can sleep through ANYTHING. It’s so frustrating haha! They sometimes disturb each other but they BOTH disturb me. Emily wakes up up to 8 times a night so you’re definitely not on your own!


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